Quotes V.1

I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty.

Guys Must Be Crazy !

"These Guys must be crazy yaar", Asha suddenly remarked while adoring herself in the mirror.

 
Her roommate priya who was busily playing Minesweeper in her laptop, turned to Asha and asked, "c’mon, ma’m wat happened..you talking about Guys suddenly……watz the matter?"

 

Asha : True yaar, these guys  must be crazy…… I think they do all sort of stupid things if they fall in love


 

Priya : aaha, Asha…what happened pa, suddenly you talking about love…who is that idiot ?
 
Asha : Hey keep quiet ok! Me already in anger……. You don’t try to tease me further

 

Priya : hahaha, you angry… see yourself in the mirror…… your drooling is quite apparent… Tell me whoz that guy who made you talk about love all of the sudden


 

Asha : our next cubicle northie yaar, Vikram I  mean…… He is following me wherever I go
 
Priya (surprised) : What you mean Vikram? Hey come so many girls in our office are drooling about him…….. don’t just blush ok? You shouldn’t lie too much esp when you are seeing urself in the mirror

 

Asha : hey come on yaar, you know, that day in FC, I went to wash my hands. All other taps were free only. But this guy purposely waited and came to the tap where I washed my hands after I went…


 

Priya : hmmph.. Big deal……. This is more feebler than BSNL signal… (shakes her head) I cant accept this as a Love signal

 

Asha : wait wait. Even I didn’t think it as a big issue. But yesterday no, after finished with my dinner, I missed my mobile in the desk while leaving. When I came back to pick it up, I noticed this Vikram picking up my paper towel and put in his pocket. What would you say for this?

 

Priya : Really??? Do u mean it

 

Asha : hey true yaar…… thatz why I said…… these guys are all crazy…… they tend to do all sorts of stupid things for love and romance


 

Priya : aah..dont tell me you didn’t like that

 

Asha : hehe thatz a different story J ….. you come with me to Food court today.. I’ll show you live action today

 

That afternoon……..Priya and Asha dine together in the Food court. Vikram who enters the Food court at the same time, takes the seat just behind them.


 

Asha : Look where he is sitting

 

Priya : O.K O.K.. Relax

 

Both finish their lunch and go to wash their hand. As they return they see Vikram standing near the place where they had their lunch

 

Asha : Now see what he does

 

Priya : Wait , wait

 

Vikram looks here and there, after getting convinced no one is around, picks up the tumbler that was used by Asha during her lunch.


 

Asha : (triumphant smile) What do yaa say now?

 

Priya : Yep yep, Guys must be crazy only…… I will go and catch that Vikram red handedly
 
Asha : hey relax priya, Me feeling shy

 

Priya : hello this is not a murali film story to keep postponing love proposal until a railway station climax. You just wait here


 

Priya straightly goes to Vikram, who is quiet surprised to see her..

 

Vikram : Hi priya..how do u do

 
Priya : Dei, what are u doing da

 

Vikram : err..whatz the matter pri?

 

Priya : Watz the tumbler u are holding in ur hand

 

Vikram : oh this one ah? This is your friend Asha’s work. Arrey, she is so careless yaar… Whenever she goes to wash her hands in the wash basin, she leaves the tap open and let water go waste. She never disposes of the paper towel, once she is done with lunch and leaves it there itself. See even now, she doesn’t even care to keep the tumbler back in the place. How many times you expect me to keep reminding in mails as part of the HALE cleanliness initiative of the week. Nobody cares.. see, for being a volunteer what sort of job I have to do. Regardless of the number of posts in the bulletin about etiquette nobody cares to listen…"

 

Saying this, a disgusted vikram goes to pick up the tumbler in the next desk. An apparently shocked Asha could not mutter any other words except mumbling "GUYS MUST BE REALLY CRAZY…………….."

Professor’s Question

It was professor smith’s first day at st. Johns medical college as a faculty.

Known for his teaching excellence, he made his entry into a classroom of 1st year medical students, where he received a warm welcome from the students, followed by their intro.

To start with, he planned to put forth a question to the class.

He said, "Well students, before we start off with today’s lecture, let   me ask you a simple question on human anatomy".

He gazed across the classroom, spotted a female student Suzie, and said,

"Tell me Suzie, which part of the human body grows 10 times its original size when excited?"

Hearing this question, Suzie’s face grew pale in embarrassment, she replied:" you should be ashamed to ask such a question to a female. I am sorry, but I can’t answer your, this question".

Thwarted by the girl’s reply, professor smith rolled on his sight around the classroom afresh, to find out if there was anyone else who could satisfy his query.

This time he located a male student Henry, who had already raised his hand  in affirmation to answer the question, and allowed the lad to go ahead.

Henry answered: "pupil of a human eye" The professor applauded for the boy’s accurate answer; then turned back to Suzie and said:

"Look, Suzie, I am sorry but, I must tell you a couple of things:

(1) You lack knowledge
(2) you have a dirty mind and
(3) Your Expectations are too high !!!!

Too Good to Read

A very distinguished lady was on a plane arriving from Switzerland.
She found herself seated next to a nice priest whom she asked: Excuse me Father, could I ask a favor?"

"Of course my child, What can I do for you?"

Here is the problem, I bought myself a new sophisticated hair remover gadget for which I paid an enormous sum of money. I have really gone over the declaration limits and I am worried that they will confiscate it at customs. Do you think you could hide it under your cassock?"

Of course I could, my child, but you must realize that I can not lie."

You have such an honest face Father, I am sure they will not ask you any questions", and she gave him the ‘hair remover’.

The aircraft arrived at its destination. When the priest presented himself to customs he was asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

From the top of my head to my sash, I have nothing to  declare, my son", he replied.

Finding this reply strange, the customs officer asked, And from the sash down, what do you have?"

The priest replied, "I have there a marvelous little instrument destined for use by women, but which has never been used."

Breaking out in laughter, the customs officer said, “Go ahead Father. Next!"

10 Rules Of Indian Film Making

  1. Two brothers separated in childhood will always grow up on different sides of the law. The law-breaker, however, will suddenly turn over a new leaf before the end, bash up the villain (who is the *real* bad guy), and be pardoned for all his sins before the last-scene family reunion. (This is possible only if he has a heroine – see rule 2 below).
  2. If the number of heroes is not equal to the number of heroines, the excess heroes/heroines will a) die b) join the Red Cross and take off to Switzerland before the end of the movie.
  3. If there are 2 heroes in a movie, they will fight each other savagely for at least 5 minutes (10 if they are brothers).
  4. Any court scene will have the dialogue "Objection milord". If it is said by the hero, or his lawyer, it will be overruled. Else, it will be sustained.
  5. The hero’s sister will usually marry the hero’s best friend (i.e. the second hero). Else, she will be raped by the villain within the 1st 30 minutes, and commit suicide.
  6. In a chase, the hero will always overtake the villain, even on a bullock-cart, or on foot.
  7. When the hero fires at the villain(s), he will never 
    a) miss 
    b) run out of bullets. When the villain fires at the hero, he will always miss (unless the hero is required to die, as in rule 2).
  8. Any fight sequence shall take place in the vicinity of a stack of a) pots b) barrels c) glass bottles, which will be smashed to pieces.
  9. Any movie involving lost and found brothers will have a song sung by 
    a) the brothers 
    b) their blind mother (but of course, she has to be blind in order to regain her sight in the climax) 
    c) the family dog/cat.
  10. Police inspectors (when not played by the hero) come in two categories:
    a) Scrupulously honest, probably the hero’s father – killedby the villain before the titles.
    b) Honest, but always chasing the anti-hero (as in Rule 1), saying "Tum kanoon se bach nahin sakte", only to pat him in the back in reel 23. Usually, this inspector’s daughter is in love with the anti-hero.

    c) The corrupt inspector, (usually the real villain’s sidekick) unceremoniously knocked about by the hero(s) in the climax.

An Indian Vs Pakistani

There was once a Indian and an Pakistani who lived next door to each other. The Indian owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen’s eggs for breakfast. 

One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Pakistani’s garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Pakistani pick up the egg. The Indian ran up to the Pakistani and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Pakistani disagreed because the egg was laid on his property. 

They argued for a while until finally the Indian said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up, who ever gets up quicker wins the egg." 

The Pakistani agreed to this and so the Indian found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on, he took a few steps back, then ran toward the Pakistani and kicked as hard as he could in the balls. The Pakistani fell to the floor clutching his nuts howling in agony for 30 minutes. 

Eventually the Pakistani stood up and said, "Now it’s my turn to kick you." 

The Indian said, "Keep the damn egg!"

A Sardar In Need Of A Winning Lotto Ticket

A Sardarji finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he’s in serious financial trouble. He’s so desperate that he decides to ask Bhagwan for help. He goes into the temple and begins to pray.

"Oh Bhagwan, please help me, I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto". Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.

The Sardarji goes back to the synagogue. "Bhagwan, please let me win the lotto, I’ve lost my business, my house and I’m going to lose my car as well". Lotto night comes and the Sardarji still has no luck!!

Back to the temple… "My Bhagwan, why have you forsaken me?? I’ve lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving. I don’t often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won’t you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???".

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the sky parts open and the Sardarhi is confronted by the voice of the God: "SARDARJI, MEET ME HALF WAY ON THIS ONE, BUY A DAMN TICKET".

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